To Church or Not To Church
To Church or Not to Church: That Is the Question
It’s been five years since I last blogged. Sometimes I wonder if writing even matters—if these words change anyone’s mind or make any difference. Life is busy, and the internet is already overflowing with commentary. Some voices are louder than mine, echoing my beliefs. Others shout the opposite. Is it all just noise?
Maybe.
Then something catches me off guard—a single article that won’t leave my mind. And suddenly, I feel compelled to write. If not for the world, then for my church.
On April 16, 2025—just before Easter—Study Finds released an article titled: “Why More Americans Believe in God – But Not Religion.” The data isn’t shocking; we’ve seen it coming. People are leaving the church in droves. You’ve heard it before: “I’m spiritual, but not religious.”
When asked what that even means, I’ve yet to hear a coherent answer.
Here are a few common reasons I’ve heard for leaving the church:
- It’s just a business.
- It’s corrupt.
- I’ve been hurt or disappointed.
- Church people are hypocrites.
As a pastor, I don’t hear these as mere accusations. These are real experiences. And unfortunately, they’re not baseless.
- On business: Some churches have lighting and sound systems that rival concert venues. To some, that looks like showmanship rather than worship.
- On corruption: Sadly, there have been true stories of theft, abuse, and moral failure among leaders. This grieves me.
- On pain: Unfortunately, even in the church, people have been mistreated—even in church. I’ve seen it. I’ve experienced it.
- On hypocrisy: Oh Man, that is a tough one, especially since I have been guilty of this. We all have fallen short of the life we have been called to as believers. Every one of us fails. Thank God for his grace and mercy.
But the article digs deeper. Drawing from a study published in Socius (2025), based on research from Cornell, Tulane, Oklahoma State, and the University of Oklahoma, it traces a sharp decline in church membership from 2003 to 2013. The rise of the religious “nones” is striking—from 1 in 20 to more than 1 in 4 Americans.
Why the decline? Two of the reasons cited in the study are familiar: the church as a business and hypocrisy. I’ve already acknowledged these issues. They’re real. They’re painful. But they’re also inevitable in a gathering of flawed humans.
The business side of a church is necessary. Even Jesus had a treasurer. Ministering to people isn’t free. There are contracts to sign and bills to pay. Maybe you disagree with the way your church does business. If so, then find another church you can support. The fact that there is a business aspect to your church doesn’t necessitate leaving the church.
Hypocrisy is everywhere. I am not dismissing it. The church has always consisted of hypocrites. The Pauline Epistles written to the early Christian churches covered a range of topics, such as sexual immorality, pride, gossip, divisions, etc., because believers weren’t living like followers of Christ. The church is composed of sinful people and hypocrisy is inevitable.
The focus of this writing is the third—and, I believe, the most revealing—reason.
The Revealed Reason People Leave the Church
Let’s revisit a quote from the article:
“One participant named Chris, raised Catholic, eventually left his church after finding its stance on homosexuality at odds with his own views of acceptance. “For a church that says they’re accepting,” he explained, “you guys are pretty discriminatory.””
Later, the article adds:
“The exodus from churches isn’t primarily about intellectual doubt or scientific skepticism – it’s about people seeking authentic spiritual expression that aligns with their moral values, particularly around inclusion and equality.”
The study mentions “individual” (and its various forms) over 150 times. It’s even in the title: The Individualization of American Religion.
The real problem is Idolatry.
Idolatry isn’t just some primitive religious practice. Idolatry occurs when a person worships something in place of God, a god of one’s own making. Described in these articles is simply worship of – well – SELF.
When someone decides, “I can’t accept a church that doesn’t reflect my personal/moral values,” he/she misses the point entirely. When the truth of God’s Word is proclaimed and then rejected for one’s personal preferences/values, that’s self-worship. It’s Adam and Eve all over again, choosing their own moral compass over God’s Word.
Tim Perry, author and pastor, wrote:
“To embrace heresy is to choose stubbornly to depart from what has been received. Heresy is as much the attitude in which it is held as its actual content. It is the obstinate assertion of self-will over against the mind of the church universal, while insisting that one nevertheless remains a Christian.”
Faith requires submission to God’s authority. If our morals conflict with God’s word, there is only one choice for the believer: conform to God’s word. Anything short of that is worship of yourself (idolatry).
For example, Romans 12 challenges me deeply:
“Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them.” (v.14 ESV)
“Repay no one evil for evil but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all.” (v. 17 ESV)
“Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” (v. 19-20 ESV)
I’m not fond of the idea of blessing those who hurt me, and I don’t like the idea of not retaliating when people attack me. None of that feels natural to me. But that doesn’t matter. God is not obligated to cater to my feelings. As the line from the movie Rudy reminds us: “He’s God and I am not.”
Truth Is Always Exclusive
Now, to the charge that the church is “discriminatory.” The short answer is yes—and it should be.
Truth is, by nature, exclusive. Two plus two only equals four. The correct answer excludes every over number.
Church membership has always been reserved for those who put their faith in Jesus Christ. The church is the bride of Christ, and marriage excludes all others. You cannot reject the groom and still claim to be the bride.
Can someone embrace Jesus Christ, The Word made flesh, while rejecting the Word and embracing our own opinions/feelings/thoughts? No. One would have to be a logical/spiritual contortionist to arrive at such a conclusion. In reality, it’s a contradiction. If Jesus is the Truth (John 14:6), and you reject truth, then you’ve rejected Him.
To think otherwise is not faith, it’s self-deception.
Equality vs. Equity in the Church
The final issue is one of inclusion. One might suggest the issue at hand is the morality of equality, and equity. Scripture doesn’t mix words:
“There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” (Galatians 3:28)
Salvation is equally available to all. The gospel is radically inclusive. But equality of opportunity is not the same as equity of roles.
Equity is defined as the absence of favoritism. Favoritism in the church is a real problem—and Scripture calls it out repeatedly as sinful (see 1 Corinthians 11–12, James 2). Removing favoritism from the church will continue to be an ongoing work.
Without further clarification of what is meant by “equality” or “equity” in the church, I will conclude this topic with this. If the issue is a lack of women serving as pastors, I will reiterate submission to God’s Word. When it comes to leadership, Scripture is clear that the role of elder/pastor is reserved for men (see 1 Timothy 3, Titus 1).
This isn’t about worth; it’s about order and obedience. Submission to God’s design is an act of worship, even when it clashes with cultural norms.
Come Back
The truth is our hearts are deceitful (Jeremiah 17:9). The world says, “Follow your heart.” Scripture says, “Trust the Lord.”
So, here’s my encouragement:
- Find a church that preaches the truth.
- Don’t look for perfection. You won’t find it.
- Worship the Lord in the assembly of His people.
- Submit your will, thoughts, and desires to God’s Word.
Yes, the church is messy. You and I are part of the mess. But Christ loves His bride—even in her flaws—and we should too.
As one of my professors once said, “When you see the mess, remember your sin/mess contributes to it.”
So don’t walk away. Press on. Stay. Serve. Grow. Submit. And wait, as the bride, for the return of Christ.
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